Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
