my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
