your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
