He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
