im drinking this country out of the recession.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
