ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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