I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
