my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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