Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
