What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
