we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
