Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
