Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
