Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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