Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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