she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
