My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
