do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have fence marks all over my body
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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