porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
