If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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