Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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