if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
