My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
