I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
