What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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