I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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