She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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