Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
