Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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