Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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