so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
