but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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