The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
