would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
