I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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