I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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