he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
