my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
