I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
