Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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