my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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