There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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