i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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