I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
