So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
