im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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