Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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