i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
