If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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