Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Operation Purity has been aborted
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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