My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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