Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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