if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
