Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
