Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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