My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How external is "for external use only"?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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