You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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