Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
