My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
