a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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