Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
