oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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