Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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