made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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