you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
