oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
