I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
