Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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