how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
