lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
