If that was your dad, he is hot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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