I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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