My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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