so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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