I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize