The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
