Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
