I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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