i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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