He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
