i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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