ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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