Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She said her name was "party"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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