why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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