why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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